


Dreamlike

by idiotchosen (Seira_g)



Category: Tales of Symphonia
Genre: Awkward confessions of love, M/M, Post-Canon, Snow, and lloyd being way too cheesy for his own good, mentions of Zelos's past, zelos being angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 17:23:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9247868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seira_g/pseuds/idiotchosen
Summary: "When the two of them were together, it didn’t matter that he was the former Chosen of Tethe’alla. It didn’t matter that he had spent his entire life facing unimaginable burdens. Because right now, it was just the two of them, laughing like the idiots they knew they were under a curtain of snow. "Zelos can't sleep, so he tries to slip out of the inn without Lloyd noticing. He should have known it wouldn't be that easy.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I genuinely thought I was done writing fanfiction. For good. So it's a testament to this game and this pairing that I was dragged out of a 3-year-long slump. That's how much I was sucked in.
> 
> This is mostly just a practice piece I wrote in short bursts over a period of nearly a month, both to get a feel for writing fanfiction again and to figure out how to write these two. I think it ended up flowing together well enough, but if it feels a bit choppy, that's why. I literally had no plans as I was writing this. I didn't know how exactly it would end until the night I finished it.
> 
> Here's hoping I can write these two again sometime soon.

                _Another sleepless night, huh._

                Zelos shifted his body for what must have been the hundredth- no, _thousandth-_ time that night, hoping that maybe this time he would find some comfort. It wasn’t that the bed itself was uncomfortable. Sure, it wasn’t even half the size of the luxurious bed back at his mansion, but after traveling around the world with Lloyd for well over a year, he had become well-accustomed to inn mattresses of varying quality. His mind just wouldn’t settle down and catch up with his body, exhausted from another day in his and Lloyd’s long journey.

                “Lloyd, huh…” Zelos didn’t even need to look up to know that his companion was already fast asleep, and probably had been for a few hours- the sound of light snoring from the bed next to his did a fine job of that on its own. He really did envy that genuinely carefree attitude of his. Zelos couldn’t recall a single night where Lloyd hadn’t passed out the second his head hit the pillow. Normally Zelos was so tired that he never lasted much longer than that, but every now and then the insomnia he had lived with long before Lloyd came into the picture would return with a vengeance.

                With a heavy sigh, Zelos tossed and turned a few more times before finally throwing the blanket off of himself in frustration. He didn’t know what would relax him enough to fall asleep, but it definitely wasn’t his current plan of attack. Sitting up with a deep breath and a stretch, he rose to a standing position. The village they were spending the night in was a tiny one, but Zelos reasoned that a nighttime walk around town was an effective way to clear his mind even without the bustling nightlife of a city like Meltokio. Old habits died hard, he supposed.        

                As quickly and quietly as he could, Zelos gathered up his coat, sword, and boots. It had been getting colder lately, to his dismay, and he wasn’t about to risk going out in nothing but a tank top and gloves. Satisfied that he looked at least somewhat presentable, he slipped out of the room, hoping that the noise he was making wouldn’t be enough to wake Lloyd, who had never been the heaviest of sleepers. As much as he had come to enjoy the boy’s company, he was prone to worrying about the people around him and meddling in an attempt to make them feel better. As much as that compassion and optimism had helped Zelos in the past, there were times where he needed to be alone with his own thoughts, and tonight seemed to be one of them.

                Zelos wasn’t exactly sure what time it was, but it must have been even later than he thought, because he didn’t run into a single person on his way out of the inn, not even at the front desk. Not that he minded too much. He had seen the way the woman behind the counter had stared at him when he walked in, after all, and he was in no mood to deal with it at the moment. It had been no different from the glances and gazes he received from the majority of the female population, that look of adoration and raw lust that he had grown so accustomed to over the years. And while he found it flattering to a certain extent, even useful- he had taken advantage of it _far_ more than a few times in his life- he just couldn’t bring himself to appreciate it the same way he used to. He had Lloyd and his group now, after all. What need did he have for fake smiles and shallow relationships when, for the first time, he had people he actually _cared_ about?

                Smiling briefly at the thought, Zelos opened the door to the inn and froze instantly. Not just because the temperature had dropped significantly since earlier that evening, but because of the unexpected scene in front of him.

                Everything was white.

                _No._

                Specks of white were falling to the ground at a rapid pace.

                _Of all the things-_

                A single snowflake landed on his still-outstretched hand and melted instantaneously. He recoiled as if he had been burned.

                _Why now?_

Zelos’s mouth felt dry. All the thoughts that had been swimming through his mind not even a moment earlier were replaced with an overwhelming sense of dread and anxiety. He wanted to move away from the sight, retreat into the inn where he couldn’t be bothered by it, but he couldn’t move a muscle, instead continuing to stare out at the wintery scene ahead of him.

                It wasn’t as if he was still _afraid_ of snow, he told himself. Back on his first journey with Lloyd and the others, when they had stopped in Flanoir for the night, he hadn’t felt nearly this nervous. Granted, he had had enough other things on his mind that night that the heavy snowfall had been the least of his worries. He had had ample time to prepare himself back then as well- it would have been idiotic to go to _Flanoir_ of all towns and expect it not to snow. But here, he reasoned, he had thought he was safe. Sure, it had been getting colder recently, but the sky had been mostly clear earlier that afternoon. He had thought he would be able to postpone the inevitable for at least another week or two.

                No matter how hard he tried to calm himself down and return inside, he remained in one spot, paralyzed by his own thoughts. He could almost see the pure white surrounding him being stained a deep, dark crimson; feel the warmth of his mother’s body slumping over and collapsing onto his own. Her final words echoed through his mind over and over and over again, nonstop, until he could feel a stinging in the corners of his eyes. He should never have been born. _He should never have been born. **He should never ha-**_

Right as Zelos thought he couldn’t stand any more, thought he couldn’t possibly feel any more helpless than he did at that moment, He heard the sound of footsteps and the creaking of a door behind him.

                “So this is where you went, Zelos?”

                Just as Zelos thought his night couldn’t _possibly_ get any worse.

                “Lloyd,” he said, his voice coming out far louder than he had intended it to. He didn’t turn around to face his friend just yet, though. He _would not_ let Lloyd catch him looking as panicked as he assumed he did. A few moments were all he needed. A few moments, and he could settle with ease into that laid-back mask of a grin he had been so reliant on in the past. “What are you doing up?”

                “I’m pretty sure that’s _my_ line.” Zelos could hear the slight mix of irritation and concern in Lloyd’s voice.” I woke up when I heard the door open and shut, so I figured I’d check it out.”

                Zelos gritted his teeth. Apparently his attempts at staying quiet had been a failure. He’d have to remember to be more careful next time. “Well, y’know,” he started, without missing a beat. It scared him, sometimes, how easily he could slip into this façade of his. “There were some pretty sweet hunnies walking around town earlier. They seemed pretty excited to meet with me later tonight, so I figured I’d give them what they wanted.” It was a shallow lie, and Zelos knew it. But wasn’t that the role he was meant to play? Shallow, without a care in the world? If he spat out enough of these lies, then there was a chance he could come to believe it himself, right?

                “Yeah, right.” Without any warning, Lloyd grabbed Zelos by the arm and spun him around, forcing him to finally face the other swordsman. “We’ve been together for over a year, Zelos. I’ve told you before; I can tell when you’re not being serious.” Lloyd’s expression softened. “Seriously, what’s going on? Why’d you sneak out so late?”

                Zelos laughed bitterly, unconsciously running his fingers through his hair. He couldn’t remember the last time he had successfully tricked Lloyd, so the boy wasn’t mistaken- he had a talent for seeing straight through Zelos, whether he liked it or not. He wasn’t sure why he still bothered trying to fool him, really. Even now, he still had difficulty deciding whether it was endearing or just plain annoying. It was funny to him, how after so many years of wishing someone would just try and _understand_ him, he was the one who refused to let anyone do so.

                _Never satisfied, no matter what the outcome_ , Zelos thought. _That sounds about right._

“Seriously, Bud,” he finally said, after a brief pause. “It’s not that big of a deal. I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to go for a walk. That’s it.” It was the honest truth, but Lloyd still looked unconvinced. He had the same eyes Zelos remembered seeing when Colette was hiding something, burning right through his façade until the truth was forced out of him. And as hard as he tried to resist it, he could feel himself yielding yet again.

                “Of all things,” Zelos muttered, the remainder of his grin fading, “why did it have to start snowing?”

                Lloyd blinked. “Snow?” He looked up and around at his surroundings. “Whoa, you’re right! It _is_ snowing!” Zelos sighed. How could he be so observant and so oblivious, all at the same time? Not that he particularly minded it- watching the boy’s face light up in wonder at the flakes dancing around them was almost enough to make him forget his own troubles-  at least for a short moment, before Lloyd turned back to him, concern for his friend apparently winning out over his excitement. “Come to think of it, didn’t you say once-“

                “That I didn’t like the snow?” Zelos hated how serious Lloyd looked right now. He hated when Lloyd looked at him like that, like he understood everything but was too powerless to fix anything. If Lloyd, eternal idealist and savior of the world itself, was unable to find anything to say, then what was _he_ supposed to do? “That was a pretty long time ago, wasn’t it? I’m surprised you remember something like that.” That was it. That was all he knew how to do. Maybe if he trivialized his fear _just_ enough, acted _just_ confident enough, Lloyd would smile again, make him feel like everything was normal.

                Like _he_ was normal.

                Lloyd hesitated for a moment. Maybe he hadn’t expected Zelos to admit to anything as quickly as he had.  Although, to be fair, neither had Zelos. “That was one of the first serious things you ever told me about yourself,” he said finally. “It was the first time you ever really opened up to me. How could I forget it?”

                “Lloyd…” Now it was Zelos’s turn to be at a loss for words.

                “You always joked around about everything, but that night in Flanoir, you were completely honest with me. I finally felt like you trusted me, just a little.” If Zelos had looked just a little bit more closely at Lloyd’s face, he would have seen the slightest hint of a blush creeping across his cheeks. “I realized that I could trust you, too.”

                Zelos snorted. “Although I betrayed you the very next day.”

                “But you came back.” Lloyd’s tone was firm, and left no room for argument. “You saved everyone, and then you came back.”

                “Hmm, I guess.” For the first time that night, a small, _genuine_ smile appeared on Zelos’s face. “And even now, you’re still stuck with me. Amazing how these things work out, isn’t it?”

                “Says the one who invited himself on this trip in the first place.” In spite of his words, Lloyd couldn’t hide his grin.

                “Like you would have refused even if I had asked politely.”

“Zelos Wilder asking politely for something? That’s a scary thought.”

As he bantered back and forth with Lloyd, without even realizing it himself, Zelos’s nerves were gradually beginning to settle down. It never ceased to amaze him how _normal_ he felt with Lloyd. When the two of them were together, it didn’t matter that he was the former Chosen of Tethe’alla. It didn’t matter that he had spent his entire life facing unimaginable burdens. Because right now, it was just the two of them, laughing like the idiots they knew they were under a curtain of snow.

“But y’know, I really am glad it was you who came along with me.” Lloyd was still smiling, but along with his sudden words, his eyes took on a faraway look. “It hasn’t always been easy, but I’ve had a lot of fun spending time with you.”

Now it was Zelos’s turn to blush. He still didn’t understand how Lloyd could say such embarrassing things and still seem 100% genuine, but he did it a _lot_ , and it affected him every single time, in a way no one else he knew was able to. For a moment Zelos just stared at his companion, unsure of how to respond. _Just play it off_ , he thought, _don’t act embarrassed. You’re supposed to be the cool one here._

“Well, of course,” he said after a moment, waving his hand up and down in a carefree manner. “If there’s one thing I’m known for, it’s showing people a good time.” Granted, it was usually members of the opposite sex that he chose to “show a good time,” but Zelos figured he could leave that detail out, just this once.

“No, I mean-“ Lloyd shook his head. “I’m being serious, here. It was fun travelling in a group with everyone, but it’s different now that it’s just us. Even when it was just Genis and I messing around as kids, it was never this exciting.” He looked down at his feet. Zelos couldn’t see his face, but based on his tone of voice, he wouldn’t have been surprised if his face was turning as red as his jacket. “You’re _different,_ somehow.”

                “Lloyd…” For some reason, with every word that came out of Lloyd’s mouth, Zelos felt an increasing sense of unease. He didn’t know how such an innocuous conversation had taken such a drastic emotional turn, nor did he have any idea how to turn it around- or even if he wanted to. He had seen this scene enough times to know what was coming. He recognized that nervous tone, that faint blush, and those winding words that could never seem to bring their speaker to their main point. He had seen it in every girl in Meltokio at some point or another during his teenage years.

                And yet.

                And yet, it had never felt so _real_ and _nerve-wracking_ as it did right now, when it was _Lloyd_ of all people. Lloyd. His best bud. The first true friend he had ever had. A man that he would trust with his own life.

                If Lloyd was really going down the path that Zelos thought he was, Zelos wasn’t sure he would be able to say no.

                A moment passed where neither of the two swordsmen looked at each other or said a single word. Lloyd still seemed to be lost in thought, unsure of how to continue the conversation. Although, Zelos reasoned, that was only natural. He knew for a fact that Lloyd had never had this sort of conversation before. He took a deep breath. _Well, I guess_ someone _has to help the poor kid out._ He just prayed that he wasn’t making a huge mistake. If he screwed up here, he would never be able to take it back. And there was nothing he feared more than losing his bond with Lloyd.

                _Just be casual. Take it easy._

_Whatever will be, will be._

                “Lloyd, Lloyd, Lloyd,” he drawled, flipping his hair over his shoulder in attempt to look as nonchalant as possible. “If you want to confess your undying love for me, just go ahead and do it.”

                “Wha-“ Lloyd made a strangled noise and snapped his neck up to look at Zelos. “How- how did you- I mean, wait a second! I-“

                Zelos couldn’t help but chuckle at how flustered Lloyd had become.  “You’re not denying it, though.”

                “That’s-“

                “It’s fine, you know.” Any levity that had been present in Zelos’s tone vanished in an instant. For once in his life, he wanted Lloyd to know that he was completely serious. The kid deserved that much out of his first confession, at least. “You always tell me I’m easy to read, but you’re not a whole lot better.” He smiled. “Well, that’s one of the things I dig about you. Honest to a fault.”

                Zelos hadn’t thought Lloyd’s face could get any redder, but, well, the night had been full of surprises. He seemed to be running Zelos’s words through his head, trying his hardest to process their meaning. “Does that mean you…”

                “I think it means pretty much what you think it means, Bud.”

                Lloyd stared at Zelos, unblinking. Zelos wasn’t sure whether it was a few seconds or a few minutes, but it felt to him like an eternity. The future of his relationship with his best friend was riding on that unending silence, and even he, self-proclaimed “evangelist of love,” wasn’t sure he could handle waiting for a response. In the back of his mind, he wondered if this was how all those girls he had spent the night with felt when they inevitably asked for something more.  He almost wanted to apologize to them in that moment.

                But Lloyd still didn’t say a word. Instead, just as Zelos was about to break the silence himself, he lunged forward without any warning, wrapping his arms around Zelos, who, startled by the sudden impact’s interruption of his thoughts, stumbled and lost his footing, dragging both him and Lloyd into the snow at their feet.

                “O-oh.” Lloyd’s face was so close to Zelos’s  that Zelos could feel Lloyd’s breath on his cheek as he exhaled. “I didn’t mean to put that much strength into it.” Zelos’s heart raced, for more reasons than he could count. Not just because Lloyd was on top of him, closer than he had ever been before, but because it was still snowing, and now his entire body was enveloped by it.

                Half of his field of vision was obscured by a deep red color.

                Zelos could barely think about how Lloyd had just finally accepted him, nonverbally given him the answer he had been craving for not even he knew how long. As he gazed up blankly at the sky, swearing for a moment that the flakes themselves were being dyed a sickening crimson, the warm presence that was practically crushing him no longer seemed like that of the boy he knew and loved, but of someone else from his distant past, someone who should have been gone a long time ago. As his heart pounded, faster and faster with each passing second, he idly wondered when that warmth would begin to run out.

                “-los.”

                “Zelos!”

                But of course, that was impossible.

                “Hey, are you alright? Does it really hurt that much?”

                At first when Lloyd snapped him back into reality, Zelos thought some snowflakes must have melted on his cheeks. But, he thought, that was strange. No way would a few snowflakes create that much liquid that quickly.

                His eyes shouldn’t be burning that much, either.

                Zelos opened his mouth to say something, but when he looked up at Lloyd’s gentle, worried expression, he shut it, unable to decide what to say. For once, he knew he would be unable to talk his way out of things. If Lloyd had seen him crying, then that was it. And with that thought, that realization that he was putting his real emotions on full display, he wondered if he should have been more embarrassed. He couldn’t remember the last time he had cried, _period_ , and yet here he was, allowing Lloyd to watch as the last of his walls came crumbling down. This was so unlike him, so against everything he had worked for since his childhood, and yet, somehow, it didn’t feel entirely wrong. Rather, he felt more genuine than he had in years, and even if it was painful, Zelos couldn’t help but notice how _good_ it felt.

                They stayed like that for a while, Lloyd looking on silently as Zelos’s cries grew into sobs, then gradually eased into the occasional sniffle. As Zelos seemed to be settling down, Lloyd ran a single gloved hand across his cheek, wiping away the last of his tears.

                “I always told Colette when we were kids,” he began, smiling softly at the memory, “that she shouldn’t act tough when she was feeling sad. The same goes for you, too.” Shifting his body off of Zelos’s, he slowly rose to his feet and stuck out his hand. “I’ll tell you as many times as I need to until you get it: you don’t need to hide things from me. I’ll stick with you no matter what, so let me see the _real_ you, even if it’s just once in a while.”

                “Lloyd…” Reaching out to grab the outstretched hand, Zelos couldn’t help but grin. “It seriously amazes me how cheesy your speeches can get sometimes. Maybe my little lessons on romance were a success after all.”

                Lloyd pouted, pulling Zelos back up. “Hey, I’m being serious here!”

                “I know. That’s what makes it so scary.”

                “Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you can say stuff like that, you’ll be fine.” Rolling his eyes, Lloyd looked towards the inn. “Anyways, we should probably go back to our room. It’s freezing out here.” Zelos readily agreed, and without letting go of Lloyd’s hand, the two of them retreated into the inn.

                                                                                Xxx

                “By the way, Lloyd,” Zelos said as he ran a towel over his hair, trying to erase the last traces of moisture from the snow. They had agreed to start a fire in their room’s fireplace in an attempt to warm up before going back to bed, and the two were currently sitting in front of it, each wrapped in their own blankets and dressed in clean clothes. “You never did give me a straight answer out there.”

                “Hmmm…? Oh, you mean about that?” Lloyd averted his gaze, staring into the dancing flames in front of him. “I thought I made it pretty clear what my answer was.”

                “I mean, _yeah_ , I got the idea, but it’s no fun if you don’t say it outright, you know? You always say embarrassing stuff like that, so how hard can it be? Let’s just make it official.”

                “Th-that was different!” Lloyd buried his face in the blanket. “I just-“

                “Buuuud~” Zelos crawled up behind Lloyd and draped himself over his shoulders, just like he had done so many times before. “C’mon, don’t be so cold, man. Tell me _exactly_ how you feel about me.” He leaned in closer to Lloyd’s ear and whispered, in a voice he knew could make most people melt in an instant, “I might even reward you if you do.”

                Lloyd sighed, apparently resigning himself. “Fine,” he muttered. “I love you, Zelos.” He turned his head as far away from the other man as possible. “There, now will you let me go?”

                Zelos grinned, feeling his heart rate rise just a small amount. “Yup, your honesty is _definitely_ your best quality,” he murmured, taking Lloyd’s chin in his hand and gently turning it towards himself. “Here, now I’ll say it. I love you too, Lloyd. More than anyone else I’ve ever met.” And without waiting for Lloyd to say anything back, he slowly closed the distance between their lips.

                It was far from the first time he had ever kissed anyone, but Zelos had to admit, it was, without a shred of a doubt, the best one he had ever had. Even though Lloyd was clearly unsure of what to do technique-wise, he was obviously putting his whole heart into returning Zelos’s feelings, and that alone was more than enough for now. For once, he didn’t feel the need to take it any further, either. Right now, just knowing that Lloyd was sitting by his side, both now and for at least the foreseeable future, was plenty to keep him satisfied.

                The way things were at that moment, Zelos didn’t _want_ to fall asleep anymore. He was already living in a dream.

 


End file.
